it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
