toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
