how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We're too hungover to prance.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
