I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
