This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
