so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
