After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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