Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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