once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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