And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
