On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
