Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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