Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
