I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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