I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
