it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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