So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
