She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
