I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
