I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
