he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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