I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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