with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
