i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
