I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Welp...herpes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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