You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
