On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
