Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm always down for nudity.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
