I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize