Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
