I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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