So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
