my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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