He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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