is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
