I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
