She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
