I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
