but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
