I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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