Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
