Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
