they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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