High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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