I've blown a few things in my day
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
