dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Boobs are out for the taking
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
