I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
