I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
