hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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