I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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