I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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