Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
