This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize