i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
