he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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