Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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