You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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