i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
