my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
