i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
