Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize