It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
