Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we have officially lost it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
