Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
