fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
