we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
