I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
