It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize