it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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