How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
