She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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