Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
