Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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