I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize