P.S. I can't hear my feet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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