I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
