Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
