Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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