There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
