After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
