somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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